musings

it seems like people go between an insatiable need to be connected, known by people and the world around them to a desire to push people away, let go and forgo any contact because the effort to deal with humans becomes so hard. people can never look at you unbiased, or know what elements of the world have made you who you are, or influenced the way you acted at 4:00 last thursday night. so why should we try when we will always be judged, never be able to enter a certain social group and face the very real possibility that the people who become ours will be lost by us. maybe they will push us away, forget us in the same way we want to kick everyone to the curb sometimes too. why make these connections in our life when people will disappoint us... we need to in the end so we don't turn into psychopaths from a faulty frontal lobe or end our self propagating depression. we can never be independent creatures when our whole mental and emotional well being relies on the connections we make. we quiver in the middle between the two, sometimes tending to ignore people or loosing contact when we favor the isolationist side, but then bemoaning our lost contact when we begin to crave what we had. maybe america was onto something when in was isolationist in the what 20s? with the Chinese exclusion act, uninvolved foreign policy and immigration quotas... i mean look at the mess we are in now- in everyones bloody business, with the entire world hating us- anyways i digress. the main point is sometimes humans are fucking hard to deal with and you can't change peoples facets if character.